Rewritten and Rebuilt

   Since posting the first couple blogs I have begun to get this peculiar sensation when I'm around people; I don't like it, most people don't. I was trying to explain it to a friend of mine the other day, I kept saying I felt a little paranoid like everyone now knows all my secrets and feelings. But paranoid isn't quite the right word and I couldn't think of anything else to use. Then she said it, "The V Word"... Vulnerable! Imagine my shock when I realized she was exactly right! That was the perfect word to explain my discomfort and I began to realize how much I really don't like even associating myself with that word.    Vulnerable= an adjective meaning 1. capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, 2. open to attack or damage.    Neither of these descriptions sound like something I want to be! As a military police member and then juvenile detention officer, I was pretty extensively trained in methods of how to make sure the people and pla...

   Have you ever had a friend that you slowly realized wasn't really a friend? They weren't bad or two-faced; you just never really took the time to actually get to know them. Hopefully you all have no idea what I'm talking about but I bet there are a few who do. I've recently been coming to realize that is how I treated Jesus so many years ago. Oh, I prayed "The Prayer" and I sang all the right songs but at the end of the day, I really only knew Jesus through my other group of friends. And when those friends were gone, I felt in my mind, that Jesus had left me too. I should probably back up and explain a few things.    I grew up in church; for many years my parents were ministers at a church, so I was the All-American preacher's kid complete with the wild streak! I went to a Christian school, Christian concerts and events, listened to only Christian music-pretty much totally encompassed by all things churchy.  As I got older, into the teenage years, our ...

Ever wake up one day and wonder how you got to where you are? Most people have, I mean all true adults at least. Don't worry I'm not going to tell you how you got there or how to get back to where you want! I don't know how to do that and quite frankly, I don't think I would want to even if I could. But I digress... Lately I have been wondering a lot about how I got to where I am in life. Not in an existential crisis kind of way, more a marveling about the wildness and hilarity of life. I should probably explain a little more in depth. Four months ago, in July 2018, I was fine. I had a good job, albeit a slightly depressing one at times, working as a juvenile detention officer in Phoenix, Arizona. Work was steady, I was pretty knowledgeable in my career, I even trained the new hires. I had a great group of friends (and still do, just to be clear!), we had all worked together for years and seen each other through some really difficult times.  I lived with my girlfriend,...