A Cautionary Tale
Have you ever had a friend that you slowly realized wasn't really a friend? They weren't bad or two-faced; you just never really took the time to actually get to know them. Hopefully you all have no idea what I'm talking about but I bet there are a few who do. I've recently been coming to realize that is how I treated Jesus so many years ago. Oh, I prayed "The Prayer" and I sang all the right songs but at the end of the day, I really only knew Jesus through my other group of friends. And when those friends were gone, I felt in my mind, that Jesus had left me too. I should probably back up and explain a few things.
I grew up in church; for many years my parents were ministers at a church, so I was the All-American preacher's kid complete with the wild streak! I went to a Christian school, Christian concerts and events, listened to only Christian music-pretty much totally encompassed by all things churchy. As I got older, into the teenage years, our youth group went to Acquire the Fire events, the Brownsville Revival, and the Smithton Outpouring. In fact Smithton was only a couple hours away so for fun some times my friends and I went on Saturday nights just because, to us that was a totally wild night! When we went to the Brownsville Revival one year, I had a pretty significant encounter with God that changed my life...for a while. I'm not saying any of this to brag or sound religious. I experienced all the "right" church stuff but still had no real relationship with the Living God. My parents did, heck, even my little kid brothers did but I was apparently only playacting. On some level I knew that I was missing something essential but I figured when I was around my church and friends, they made up for whatever it was. Except friends, churches, and family can't make up a lack of relationship with God; but those relationships can cloak it for a time.
Inevitably that time will come to an end and a decision has to be made. And when that time came for me; when I realized that maybe I had been going about my relationship with God all wrong, I made an even worse decision. I'm pretty sure most church-going people have heard a sermon at one point about how serving Christ comes with a price. The pastor will use a some scary example of how people were tortured or killed for Christ and could we handle that?! I hope I never have to find that out with an awful death, but I did find out that sometimes we need to decide whether we will still follow Christ even if we lose, friends, family, relationships etc... For some people that's more painful and harder to do than a torturous death. One day, I woke up to the fact that I suddenly had no more church friends to rely on for my God relationship; some had moved to other church's, some graduated school, others had just left church; they weren't and aren't bad people, most are still very active in their own churches and ministries. But I felt betrayed by God; I was hurt by what I thought was deceit on His side! In my head, He took my friends, He destroyed our group, He was asking for too high of a price! And in a fit of teenage rage and rebellion, I told God, "If this is your price, if you are asking me to lose all my friends for You; it's too high a price. I want nothing to do with you." In that moment, I consciously stepped away from God; oh I still went to church because I was the pastor's kid, but I wanted nothing to do with church or religion.
For almost 18 years, I kept that anger and bitterness towards God. I let it grow and grow until one day I realized I didn't even recognize the person I had become. But I was hopeless because I thought it was too late, that God would never take me back. But He did! It wasn't easy to get to the point of having my pride broken enough to ask for His help but it has been utterly and completely worth it! It took me almost 18 years to see that God wasn't trying to take anyone away from me so much as trying to get me to see the awful lack of relationship we had. I realize I have just started on a new journey, this time WITH God, and I get that it's not all sunshine and candies; but it cannot be worse than the 18 years of pain and anger I lived in. And this time, I know the cost of not following God and nothing can dissuade me from the truth of His love!
I grew up in church; for many years my parents were ministers at a church, so I was the All-American preacher's kid complete with the wild streak! I went to a Christian school, Christian concerts and events, listened to only Christian music-pretty much totally encompassed by all things churchy. As I got older, into the teenage years, our youth group went to Acquire the Fire events, the Brownsville Revival, and the Smithton Outpouring. In fact Smithton was only a couple hours away so for fun some times my friends and I went on Saturday nights just because, to us that was a totally wild night! When we went to the Brownsville Revival one year, I had a pretty significant encounter with God that changed my life...for a while. I'm not saying any of this to brag or sound religious. I experienced all the "right" church stuff but still had no real relationship with the Living God. My parents did, heck, even my little kid brothers did but I was apparently only playacting. On some level I knew that I was missing something essential but I figured when I was around my church and friends, they made up for whatever it was. Except friends, churches, and family can't make up a lack of relationship with God; but those relationships can cloak it for a time.
Inevitably that time will come to an end and a decision has to be made. And when that time came for me; when I realized that maybe I had been going about my relationship with God all wrong, I made an even worse decision. I'm pretty sure most church-going people have heard a sermon at one point about how serving Christ comes with a price. The pastor will use a some scary example of how people were tortured or killed for Christ and could we handle that?! I hope I never have to find that out with an awful death, but I did find out that sometimes we need to decide whether we will still follow Christ even if we lose, friends, family, relationships etc... For some people that's more painful and harder to do than a torturous death. One day, I woke up to the fact that I suddenly had no more church friends to rely on for my God relationship; some had moved to other church's, some graduated school, others had just left church; they weren't and aren't bad people, most are still very active in their own churches and ministries. But I felt betrayed by God; I was hurt by what I thought was deceit on His side! In my head, He took my friends, He destroyed our group, He was asking for too high of a price! And in a fit of teenage rage and rebellion, I told God, "If this is your price, if you are asking me to lose all my friends for You; it's too high a price. I want nothing to do with you." In that moment, I consciously stepped away from God; oh I still went to church because I was the pastor's kid, but I wanted nothing to do with church or religion.
For almost 18 years, I kept that anger and bitterness towards God. I let it grow and grow until one day I realized I didn't even recognize the person I had become. But I was hopeless because I thought it was too late, that God would never take me back. But He did! It wasn't easy to get to the point of having my pride broken enough to ask for His help but it has been utterly and completely worth it! It took me almost 18 years to see that God wasn't trying to take anyone away from me so much as trying to get me to see the awful lack of relationship we had. I realize I have just started on a new journey, this time WITH God, and I get that it's not all sunshine and candies; but it cannot be worse than the 18 years of pain and anger I lived in. And this time, I know the cost of not following God and nothing can dissuade me from the truth of His love!
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