Rewritten and Rebuilt

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26    August 26, 2018. D-Day. Well, for me at least. I had arrived on yet another visit to Kansas City under the guise of going on a road trip with my parents. The reality was I was there to go to World Revival Church again. In the past month after only two services I had been unable to think about really anything else. In Phoenix I had bought Pastor Steve Gray’s book “My Absurd Religion,” secretly and rapidly reading while hiding it from my girlfriend. I had an all-consuming desire to move to Kansas City; I thought of really nothing else. I watched old sermons on YouTube, did streaming whenever possible, and for the first time in decades started to read a Bible. But I was tormented. My life in Phoenix was great - solid job, happy relationship, good friends - yet I was miserable. And that’s why August 25 found me on yet another pl...

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of the light…” Ephesians 5:8   “This does not spark joy,” Marie Kondo’s simple phrase has been heard the world over. Until recently, I thought that her decluttering methods were a little silly and not at all necessary. Boy, was I wrong! I was recently urged to doing some decluttering of my room for a class project; I had no idea the intensity of the journey I was about to partake in. I figured I would tidy up some, throw out a few old clothes, and maybe rearrange my living area a bit. I just moved in with my parents in October and all my stuff is in one room, so I had already culled things down quite a bit. I would just do this silly assignment and my room would be a little cleaner, it would be probably the easiest school assignment I’d have all year. I had no idea the fight I was getting into.    I no sooner stepped into my room with purpose of cleaning it when I was suddenly hit with ...

Are We Ready Yet?    Have you awakened yet? You were once called the sleeping giant, but Church, while you slept you grew weak and small. Young people left you by the droves and you simply snuggled deeper in your dreams. Now people are beating on your walls, begging for help, dying from lack of love. Unplug your ears! Lift up your head, awaken oh sleeper, arise before you succumb to death!    Are you desperate yet? You called yourself history makers, swore to always seek Me. What happened? Did it get too easy to just go with the flow instead of pave the way? Look where the flow has led you, violence, anger, hatred. But I can still see it in you, that ember, a small flame; stoke it with desperation, fan it with a determination to seek Me. Seek and you will find; I will pour Myself out again if you would only reach for me. I want to be found!    Have you linked arms with each other yet? You disconnected from Me; is it any wonder that you can’t seem to agr...

Healed by Wounds For years I hated You. I despised Your name, refused even say Your name unless it was a curse. My sword held high, I attacked You and anyone who defended You. Family or friend, neither mattered if they stood up for You. I cut relationships, slashed familial bonds just to attack You. In my childish anger, I never noticed Your response to my strikes; every time, each instance You had Your hand reached out to reconcile. Bah! What pitiful and weak god would try to reconnect with someone who vowed to hate Him?! My brain couldn’t comprehend the depth of that type of strength, so I attacked again. Swings and jabs, I called You bigoted, useless, and ancient; my rancor knew no limits and I now expanded my contempt to whole churches and congregations. Weak-willed and minded people, is what I would yell and sneer, thrusting my sword at their hearts. Still You showed no wounds, no evidence of my stabs and thrusts. Frustrated I turned to the most extreme thing I could do. “You ...

The Staircase I have a stairway inside me. The end is deep within me, nestled where my hopes and dreams used to reside. I haven’t been down there in a very long time; I wonder if I even know where it’ll end. Will there still be any down there or will I hit the last stop and fall off? A Voice answers my unspoken question with a question, “Are you willing to take the journey with Me and see what is down there?” To find the answer on this journey I now go. 1, 2, 3…9 steps down, so far so good. This isn’t so bad in fact it’s kind of easy. All the steps seem solid, nothing too worn, the handrail sturdy. It’s pretty light here, a few shadows in corners but nothing too bad. In fact I see beautiful things written on the walls, Scriptures, poems, and letters all bright and colorful. I like my descent thus far. 10, 11, 12…21 Whoa, someone turned off the light! I can’t see a thing, I grip onto the handrail confused; which way is up and which is down? This darkness is thick, tangible, like som...

Wounded No More I know you feel like you’re still her; the little girl who might lose her father’s love. That arrow struck deep and then snapped. The arrowhead stayed fast and over time flesh regrew over it. But it never healed just festered, calloused, and festered some more. Even when your father never left, you still secretly fretted. Even when I never left, in fear you turned and walked away. I know you feel like you’re still her - the warrior who didn’t fulfill her duties. The broken exhaustion that stole your career took more than a job. Misplaced as it was, your identity was snatched along with your place in life. That arrow took you out at the knees, pulled you down and left you crippled. How many years will you be content to crawl along? I know you feel like you’re still her - the old yet newbie in this walk with Me. You’re so excited to learn, yet terrified that you still might not qualify. Arrows still keep flying at you, but you’re figuring out how to wear the armor I’v...